Comforting myself

hmmm... I'm not that unsatisfied about my result, just that I thought I can do a liiiiiilllll bit better.

Having good result is not my main intention.

I like the feeling of conquering something, specifically, myself. Conquering my biggest enemy, myself, makes me feel success, empowered. I can feel that there's a limit of whatever stuff I did. I never go upon my limit, nor reaching my limit. I'm always hanging between limit and failure. Mostly, I end up failing.

Like cutting down weight. I did it, but I'm not persistence enough. I'm back to my regular eating again! I really hate the feeling of full stomach. But my taste buds are always hyperactive. They like to have something linger around them, so I end up eating. I even try to throw up today. I failed, with my tongue paralyzed on the spot. pffffftttt.... When failure is so obvious, whatever effort I put in seems useless. I can't feel my abs growing even that I did hundreds of sit ups. I mean HUNDREDSSSSS.

Failing is torturing. Failing is not about the common limit. Failing is you failed to impress yourself. Failing is you didn't try your best in preparing. I must admit that I was playing and dunno-what-I'm-doing throughout my exam preparation. I'm not fully armed before the exam but fully drained by consistent sleepless night. That's not how it works. Result shows how bad I prepared.

Having good result is not my intention. Having control over myself is my intention. If I'm well controlled and well balanced in every aspects, I am success. Not just passing, I got myself a distinction.

MUET is few days away. I must control myself despite f(x) is coming back. I must find balance between study and f(x). They both weighed the same but they're in different sequence and way of handling.

I must find balance.

That which you manifest is before you.

I must foresee the consequences and formulate a perfect solution.