I'm tired of dreaming of you

It's you again.
It's YOU again.

The phobia of dreaming.
I don't even dare to look at you, even in my dream.

Why?
Why it has been so long but you are still there?

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Man are less interesting to me when those nightmares start. You're like a full stop. You're too perfect that I can't find any other one that is better than you. I did whatever that can distract myself. I failed and I dreamed of you.

I'm not that tired, but you know, it's not easy to handle when my life almost ruin because of this. Practically, it ruined. And I need to start over again, but I'm now back to my old self again. You're no longer the one who I willing to tell my problems. Even till now, I can't find one.

I need a mental rest. What can I do? Half a year I've been like this. I don't want to be like this the next six months. I just need you now, but I can't and I don't allow myself.

The truth is ugly. And when people spread out, it is uglier. It's not rumour, it's the ugly truth that shouldn't be told.