first.

compiling my feelings right now. i find it torturing when i can't tell anyone else and i can't blog it. so, here i am easing my pain.

first, friendship or love?

• because that I love you too much, I can only treat you as my friend. so that we can be together forever with no break ups. i cherish you more than "a lot".
• little translation from the perfectly described lyrics.

- can't get close to your heart even though I'm right beside you
- look at you, listen to you, I want to share everything with you.

• I know how you feel and that makes me want to hug you more. give you all the protection and "catch a grenade for you". (random: this line implies that the bruno girl like grenade a lot that she wants to keep it.) but, just... uhh.
• the "protection" - the feeling that i seldom never feel for anyone outside of films.
• I can't do anyway better than your special someone. uhm. this makes it more complicated. 
• i don't even want to be your special someone. 
• just you know, i want to be closer with you. 
• all the efforts, useless.
• seeing you looking at me, yet i can't tell you what i planned, frustrating. 
• the more i care and protect the crystal, the easier it gets cracks and finally break. so i tell myself not to hold too tight, in case the bond breaks.
• i lied too much, just to make sure no one discover but i'm hurting inside. all the secrets almost burst out at once.
• just because i feel reluctant to tell. so every time i was like, okay, so that's it, hmm, i'll be silent, ignore me, enjoy yourself, i know you're happier like this, okay, that's it.

when the line between love and friendship gets blurry, all the confusions make you mad.

this post is close to perfect if the story is more real. anyway. i got it.