I need somebody to know what I'm thinking but almost everyone around me don't actually care. which is kinda a sad fact that you have no friend who knows what you're thinking. and no one is /trying/ to know you. that's why i blog and rant hoping that my friends read it and know more about what am i thinking. not just making friend with this /shell/ that don't look nice. although my personality stinks too...
Something I really care about:
- tell me the truth. i hate lies. nobody likes it. i don't know how to lie too. another thing which i think is bigger than lie is not telling anything and throw me into black hole and wait for me to rot. this basically sparks my whole forest of fire last night. hey. at least tell me about it. it's not like i totally know nothing about it. i hate people hiding thing from me. i hide no secret to person that i trust but now from a long period of observing, i realised that the one you trust the most hides the most secret from you. like you're the biggest creeper in their entire life. in case the one that hides secret don't know, i'm too social-network-savvy that i know what you're doing behind my back. stop doing that to me cos' you're important to me and it hurts too much when i found out about what happens. i won't give a single shit if it happens to other /normal/ friends okay. or, maybe i cared too much? and also, there's no one there for me to care.
- ask me. i like question because answering is the only way i could really talk. i can't talk to stranger because they don't ask and i can't talk well without answering questions. /i really don't know what you're thinking/ is not a reason to whatsoever happens and whoever the "you" is. if you care, you don't /try/ to understand, you just UNDERSTAND. it's not attempts, it's not exam, it's not machine that you can trial and error for times. it's relationship between human. /human/. i know everyone need to be /asked/ by only someone else. but why hides? shrugs. because i have no secret i assume everyone did. so, at the same time hoping people would ask me how i feel and any other thing else, i asked others who i care. then. they just answer you shit that they pooped. and you feel dumped. /insert okay-guy.jpg/ too much thing to care about i must first care about myself and learn how to breathe before knowing other mankind. uhh.
that's basically why i feel like a total fail shit.
I don't have a specific bff that can be showed off on social networks, which is something i always envy or even jealous of others. not that i don't have. is that this bff-relationship is too one-sided and i'm too selfish for shit's sake. because i'm too troublesome in my teens, i kinda become more and more introvert these years so that i won't remind of myself about the childish me. though i'm still childish and mischievous right now. and this introvert me has become more and more awkward when it comes to relationships and stuff. i can't speak naturally, i acted weird, i think weird, everything is just more than awkward can describe.
everything here sums up why am i being like this. i don't like this me yet i don't like old me. guess i'll need to find my akhem /identity/ again. someday i'm gonna be a better me. not having the sad and furious nights to write all sorts of rants and complaints on my blog. look at how happy my blog used to be lawd.
and i need life. i don't want to be so lifeless. this over-introvert me is tooooooo lifeless that i think i'm not breathing the same way as other creatures do. i need life.
long ass blog post eh. this type of post need to be posted regularly so that no one reads it. mother of gawd.
No comments:
Post a Comment