I rather get hurt than feel nothing at all

The thought just can't shake off from my mind. Bothering me like a housefly. Wander round and don't know what to do. Things just go on. Time just flies. Why can't I get over? Why the emo feeling comes back AGAIN???

I looked happy, I AM, but why do I feel bothered? Something just happen while something don't, I clearly know that. And because I know that, I feel such a failure. I always acted wrongly, not the drama-typed act but the action act. It seems like I'm pretending or what. No, absolutely not, it makes me look like an immature lil' girl. Or maybe, I AM.

For no reason, I'm back to the always-bothered me again.

I choose to be happy but my mind won't allow me to.

I choose not to know the truth, but I rather get hurt than feel nothing at all.

So, mood-swing just drives me crazy.